Stumbling Upon Some Courageous Conversations: My Thoughts on Eating with My Enemy

Recently, while browsing through YouTube, I stumbled across a captivating series titled Eating with My Enemy. At first glance, the premise might seem reminiscent of typical reality shows, but it quickly drew me in with its unique approach to fostering courageous conversations.

As I work alongside friends on a project called Weaving Empathy, I’ve been thinking a lot about what questions we should ask to deepen our understanding of each other. The show features individuals with opposing viewpoints sharing a meal together, sparking discussions that go far beyond surface-level small talk.

This idea of engaging in meaningful dialogues with those we might not normally agree with is not entirely new. We've seen it attempted in various formats, yet there's something refreshingly authentic about the way this series encourages participants to ask simple yet thoughtful questions.

What struck me most was how often universal human needs and values emerge in these conversations, creating connections that transcend differences. This is a principle I strive to ignite in my workshops—encouraging participants to explore the questions that lead to deeper understanding and connection.

Questions That Connect Us

As I watched the interactions unfold on screen, I couldn’t help but ponder the types of questions we can ask each other to foster this sense of connection.

Here are a few that come to mind:

1. What values are most important to you?

2. Can you share a personal experience that shaped your views?

3. What do you wish people understood about your perspective?

4. How do you define success and happiness in your life?

5. What common ground do you think we could find?

   
   

These questions can help shift conversations away from polarization and towards understanding. In a world increasingly marked by divisive rhetoric, it’s crucial to focus on the basic human needs and values that unite us rather than the differences that keep us apart.

The Challenge of Polarization

Many discussions today revolve around polarisation, particularly in the global North, where it often feels like we’re entrenched in echo chambers. While acknowledging the existence of these divides is important, I can’t help but wonder: if we keep highlighting polarisation without emphasising our shared humanity, how can we ever hope to move forward?

Call me an idealist, but I genuinely believe that we have more in common than we don’t. Each of us has hopes, dreams, fears, and desires that drive our actions and beliefs. It’s about creating spaces that support these conversations—spaces where people can engage in kōrero (conversation) that fosters connection rather than conflict.

Finding Light in Connections

While watching Eating with My Enemy, I noticed that not every conversation fully resonated or led to a breakthrough moment. However, the fact that some connections were made creates a spark of light. It’s this light that allows us to accept the other person, even when we don’t see eye to eye. Those moments of understanding, however small, are vital in bridging the gaps between us.

Eating with My Enemy exemplifies how powerful these conversations can be when we take the time to listen and understand each other. As I continue to explore ways to facilitate these discussions in my workshops, I’m inspired by the notion that connection is possible, even amidst disagreement.

Ultimately, the goal is to encourage courageous conversations that help us break down barriers, challenge our assumptions, and find that common ground. So, let’s embrace the challenge, ask the questions that matter, and strive to understand one another better. After all, it’s in these moments of vulnerability and openness that real change can begin.

Connect

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this topic, discuss the series, or explore how we can create more spaces for connection and understanding, feel free to get in touch! I’d love to hear from you.